


shapeshifting b*tches

by ad_i



Series: Haikyuu!Oneshot Books [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Shapeshifters, CRINGY AFFFFF, Crack, F/M, Fluff and Crack, Idk if it's gonna be a book w a plot, Shapeshifting, Slice of Life, crackfic, headcannons
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-10-03
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:08:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23842006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ad_i/pseuds/ad_i
Summary: a crackfic/headcannon kind of adventure you go on with 2 cats, 2 owls, 2 birds, and 2 dogs.__________________________A relaxing indulgence for you to enjoy! have fun! :)
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Reader, Bokuto Koutarou/Reader, Hinata Shouyou/Reader, Iwaizumi Hajime/Reader, Kageyama Tobio/Reader, Kozume Kenma/Reader, Kuroo Tetsurou/Reader, Oikawa Tooru/Reader
Series: Haikyuu!Oneshot Books [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1744099
Comments: 22
Kudos: 175





	1. Introduction

_Welcome!_

_This is a bit of a crackfic that I've written, mainly to improve my writing while also relaxing myself._

_For the first couple of chapters, you're going to want to read in chronological order, since I'll be explaining the meetings of the shapeshifters and reader, but if you don't want to, that's completely fine!_

_Anyways, have fun reading and get to know the beloved characters below!_

* * *

_Shapeshifter_

_noun; person or being able to change their physical form at will_

** _Great Horned Owl|Bokuto Koutarou_ **

_Loud and rambunctious; often reprimanded for lack of noise control. Extremely whiny and clingy. Constantly needs attention ~~that he definitely doesn't get all the time~~. Closely bonded with his best friend, Akaashi._

**_Northern Hawk Owl|Akaashi_ ** **_Keiji_ **

_A quiet and responsible sweetheart, enjoys furrowing into warm spaces and gentle touches. Often has to look after his close friend Bokuto and keeps him in check._

** _Calico Cat|Kenma Kozume_ **

_Observant and often keeps to himself. If he's not sleeping, he's either in his human form playing games or watching Kuroo pick a fight with a certain Great Horned Owl._

_(it's recently come to my attention that calico cats are almost always female, but for the sake of this story and my sanity, this calico kenma will be male.)_

**_Siberian Cat|Kuroo Tetsurou_ **

_Sly and slightly playful, he enjoys pulling Bokuto's leg and getting a rise out of him. Often seen lounging around his close friend Kenma and making sure he eats. He won't admit it, but he really enjoys sweet touches and nuzzles._

** _North American Blue Jay|Kageyama Tobio_ **

_Has no concept of voice control, he's either mumbling or screaming. Very foreign to the concept of physical touch and affection. Often screeching at his bird friend ~~(?)~~ in both human and shapeshifter form._

** _Hooded Oriole|Hinata Shoyou_ **

_Often squealing over nothing and doing his best to evade a certain Blue Jay. Love little scritches under his chin/beak._

**_English Doberman|Iwaizumi Hajime_ **

_Brash and often found barking at a pompous Afghan Hound. Is much more gentle than he comes off and can be very protective._

** _Afghan Hound|Oikaw_ _a_ _Tooru_ **

_Luxurious and elegant, the only thing breaking his dazzling stride would be a certain Blue Jay or Doberman. Indirectly vies for attention and will periodically throw tantrums._


	2. Meeting the Owls (1)

You sighed peacefully as you stared out of the window of your large cabin home. Rain softly pattering outside, the sun refusing to peek out from behind the thick layer of clouds overhead. You pushed open the large window and allowed for the cool breeze to enter your home, you shivered a little and scurried off to grab your sweatshirt from the couch nearby. You spotted the grey sweatshirt and pulled it on, just as you were pulling it over your head a loud _'SQUAWK!'_ resonated from the window. You panicked and struggled to pull on the sweatshirt,

" _AKAASHIIIIIIIII!_ COME HERE!!" You heard a male voice call out, you finally pulled the damn sweatshirt on right and your eyes widened as you spotted a huge...

Owl? Screaming-- _Talking_ Owl?

You stayed frozen in place as you watched the pretty owl from afar, and slowly backed away. Shaking it's grey feathers and splattering water everywhere, it was joined by another owl also covered in small droplets of water.

"Bokuto...this is a _human_ home." The darker owl said quietly as he observed his surroundings, his eyes finally resting on you and going slightly wide, "Bokuto there's a person in here! What were you thinking!?" He snapped at the boisterous owl, the larger owl's eyes fell on you and a series of panicked _'SQUAWK's_ left his throat.

"OH MY GOD _AKAAASHI_ WE NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE-!"

"Wait!" you called out, fully aware that they could understand, however the two idiots played dumb and cocked their heads to the side cutely, letting out small hooting noises. Your brow twitched, "I _literally_ _just_ heard you two talking and screaming, I know you can understand me."

They stared for a moment, before the smaller on of the two sighed and looked up at you,

"We're sorry for the intrusion. It was raining and we had nowhere to take shelter..." He said apologetically, your gaze softened a bit, pity building up within you. "If you don't mind could we stay here until the rain clears?"

You smiled, "Of course, you guys can stay as long as you like," 

_Silence_

"I can't believe I'm talking to two owls..." You muttered as you grabbed your head, maybe the loneliness of being out in the middle of the woods was getting to you, "How can you two even understand me?"

"We're shapeshifters!" The larger one ~~screeches~~ says, "We can switched between human form and Owl form!"

"Shape...shifters?" You question, the smaller one chimes in,

"We can take on two different forms at will, but taking on and maintaining human form is a bit hard, so we prefer to stay in Owl form." He says calmly, "I'm Akaashi, by the way. He's Bokuto, he's really loud and a bit..."

Both your's and Akaashi's gazes set on Bokuto, who was currently trying to eat a plate that was on your kitchen counter.

"Different?" You finish for him, he nods furiously,

"Very."

"Hey! Do you want to see my human form? It's really cool it goes like-!"

"Bokuto don't do that you don't have any clothes-!"

Akaashi's interrupted by a loud 'POOF' and clouds are swirling around your kitchen counter, and there lay a fully grown man,

completely naked.

"YO WHAT THE HELL?!" You screamed as you scrambled to throw as blanket on top of him, Akaashi scrambling to help you as well. It was quite clear Bokuto shared neither one of your panicked feelings,

"What's wrong? This is my human form!! Isn't it great?!"

"MY DUDE YOU CANNOT GO AROUND FLASHING PEOPLE LIKE THIS!" You yelled as you threw a blanket onto him. "AND WHO'S GONNA CLEAN YOUR BUTT GERMS OFF OF MY COUNTER GODDAMMIT?!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please enjoy and support me! :)


	3. Meeting the Cats(2)

"What do owls even eat...?" You mumbled to yourself as you made your way to the more urban area of your city. It'd been a couple of weeks since Bokuto and Akaashi crash-landed in your home and eventually, you both came to a mutual agreement over living arrangements. They'd help you tend to your household chores (in human form) and keep you company while you offered them a place to stay.

To say they were excited was an _understatement._

Bokuto started flapping around your home wildly and Akaashi made no effort to stop the other owl as he contently and happily hooted to himself in the corner.

To say that you were majorly doubting your decision at that moment was _also an understatement_. 

You skidded into the pet store and immediately went straight to the bird aisle. A bottle obnoxiously labeled 'BIG BIRDY GRUB' caught your eye, you grimaced at the name but upon further inspection, you realized that it was a mix of food especially for larger, less domestic birds. Quickly making your purchase _~~(and receiving an unnecessary snicker from the cashier)~~_ you headed for your car.

The bottles toppled over in your arms and slipped out of your grasp, just as you were about to pick them up a large grey cat sprinted into your field of vision and swiftly fled with a bottle of the bird food,

you blinked for a second--

_what the hell just happened?_

you snapped out of your daze and looked towards the direction of the sprinting cat, a--a fanny pack? draped around it's neck? allowing it to swiftly carry the bottle?

"COME BACK HERE YOU LITTLE SHIT!" You yelled out as chased the cat, you could've sworn it had snickered at you when it stopped to look at you. It's golden eyes darted away from you and bounded up the roofs within the alleyway it had entered. Your groaned as you watched the cat disappear from below, "I've been outsmarted by a cat--a cat with a fucking fanny pack."

Panting you looked back towards you car, you gasped as two heads peeped up from behind the window, your two owl companions watching you curiously. ("Say, Akaashi, do humans have to fight with cats over food?" "That's a good question Bokuto, but from what (y/n) and that cat is displaying it seems like it." "Aww, that's kinda sad, she stood no chance!")

"Akaashi! Bokuto!" You gasped out as you opened he door to the passenger seat, startling the two owls, "You guys were here the whole time?"

"We didn't want to be left alone in the house!!" Bokuto squealed, "Your house is so big and empty!! How did you live there before we even got there, (y/n)?!?"

You rolled your eyes, "Listen, I need your help. This annoying cat stole the food I got for you guys! It got onto a roof in that alley, it couldn't have gone too far. Could you guys try and get it back without hurting it?"

In an instant they agreed and nodded eagerly before taking off, ("Of course (y/n)! We'll be valiant knights for our lady and mistress any day!") you trailed behind them and watched as they disappeared onto the roof as well.

...

Silence ensued for a bit, before blowing into full on screeching and growling. You stood frozen, maybe this was a bad idea. 

"Bokuto, Akaashi! What's going on--HOLY SHIT--" You were cut off as a small cat landed on your head and hissed. You groaned as you pried the small cat from your head, recieving scratches from it in the process. "Hey-! Stop it my dude! Akaashi! Bokuto! Where are you guys going?!?" You screamed as you watch the two owls pursue the large cat. The tiny calico cat in your hands continued to nip at you, you looked it and realization hit you.

"Ah! You must be in cahoots with that other cat!" You said to it as it hissed it you, you sighed and set it down. "Maybe I should just let you two have the bottle." You said softly as you noticed it's lack of a name tag and collar. It's gaze upon you softened, but darted towards the direction of the other cat immediately. You groaned, another lap of running.

~*~

"Bokuto? Akaashi? Where did you two go?" You called out as you reached the small clearing they fled into, large oak trees pillared into front of you, blocking your view of the forest ahead. Suddenly the two cats from earlier crawled from the edge of the forest towards you, the same bottle you were looking for in the larger cat's fanny pack.

"Come back here you imbeciles!" You heard Bokuto hoot out from the distance, Akaashi following close behind, "We'll never--Oh! (y/n)! You found them!" He exclaimed as he finally settled onto the ground, you smiled,

"I'm sorry I made you guys run around like that, but I think I'm just gonna let these two rascals have it." You said as you pointed a the cats, their eyes darted between you and the owls. Could cats look perplexed? The larger one turned to Bokuto,

"Why are you so familiar with this human?" It said quietly, Bokuto flapped his wings proudly,

"Oh we--wait! You can talk!?!?!"

"...yes. We're shapeshifters, of course we can talk."

You gasped from behind, "There's more of you guys out there?" The cat nodded, but turned to Bokuto once more, as if to urge the answer out of him.

"O-Oh we-"

"We accidentally crashed into her home, and she was kind enough to take us in. Unlike you two, we didn't cause her any harm or bother her. Hand over the bird food! You two are cats!" Akaashi snapped as he cut Bokuto off,

"No you stupid bird brains!"

Bokuto joins in the argument.

"What-?! WE DO NOT HAVE BIRD BRAINS!"

"You're a bird! OF COURSE YOU HAVE BIRD BRAINS!!"

"SHUT UP WHISKER FACE! GIVE US BACK OUR PRECIOUS 'BIG BIRDY GRUB' YOU GLUTTON!"

"NEVER!"

You and the calico cat watched from the side as you watched the two owls (mainly Bokuto) and the large cat bicker dumbly. You squatted down to the small cat, a smile on your face,

"If you're a shapeshifter you must have a name, yes?" You asked sweetly, the cat nodded meekly, it was much calmer than before.

"I-It's Kenma." He said quietly, you gently picked the cat up and cradled it in your arms, it tensed up slightly but made no move to escape.

"How about you come home with me Kenma? You could eat much better than a bottle of bird food." The cat looked up at you, and then back at his companion and the awestruck owls. ("(y/n)! I'm jealous! You're never that gentle or sweet to us!!")

"If my friend can come with me then sure." It said monotonously, you grinned and looked down at the other cat,

"And your name is?"

"Kuroo!" He exclaimed, "Do you mind if we bring some of our stuff with us?" 

"Not at all!"

* * *

_"wahhhhh-(y/n) doesn't love us anymore, she only cares about those cats Akaashi!!!" Bokuto whined, "And why do we have to help them get their stuff?! What would two homeless cats even own?!" Akaashi nodded in agreement, you sighed,_

_"Don't be so rude you two! It's probably--!"_

_You stopped as they pointed towards their stuff, your brow twitched,_

_"Ew..." Bokuto sneered from behind, followed by Kuroo hissing at him. It was quite literally a pile of junk, small bottles and human clothes littered every where._

_"Why-?" You began as you picked up a bralette from the pile, "Why do you guys have human clothes?"_

_"Oh! Whenever we felt like we needed to go to town in our human form, we'd slip these on before we headed out so none of the humans called the cops on us or anything." Kuroo stated in a matter-of-fact tone. Your lips formed an 'o' and then offered to buy them new clothes, which they agreed to._

_"At least they have more sense than you, Bokuto!" You laughed as you teased the owl, receiving a flustered reaction from him_

_"I didn't know you guys had a problem with nudity!!"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please enjoy and support me! also, check out my oneshot haikyuu book; Faceted! :)


	4. Meeting the Birds(3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> HI I'M SO SORRY THIS CHAPTER TOOK ME SO LONG KDJHFS I TOOK THIS SUPER LONG HIATUS FROM WRITING AND IM JUST SO SORRY DFJHSDKF
> 
> anyways! i hope you guys like this one! featuring Kags and Hinata!

_ "NYAN NYAN NYAN, NYAN NYAN NYAN! NYAN NYAN~!" _

"BOKUTO WHAT IN THE ACTUAL HELL ARE YOU DOING?" You yelled out of frustration, the owls antics beginning to seriously give you and Akaashi a headache. The owl ruffled his feathers and looked at you incredulously. 

"The cats! I don't know where the went! And Kuroo stole my millet!" He yelped, you and Akaashi sighed heavily. Waving the two of them off as you headed to the front door, ready to look for the two trouble-makers that were away from home. You clicked open the locks of your door and just as you swung it open, lo and behold are the two cats.

Each with birds in their mouths.

"Kuroo! Kenma! No, no no!" You screamed as you hid behind the door, brow twitching in annoyance, "No dead animals! They have rabies! Don't I give you enough food already?! Gluttons!" Kuroo sat languidly in front of you and began to explain himself,

"Diff blue onef was screemengh for no reahshun so I-"

"Don't speak with your mouth full, Kuroo!" You scolded wearily, causing the cat to immediately drop the poor bird in his mouth.

"I said, this blue one was screaming for no reason! So I swatted the shit outta him!" You let out a gasp and began to furiously scold Kuroo, telling him that hurting others for no reason wasn't okay in the slightest bit. The two of you were so busy bickering, you didn't even notice Kenma slide into the house, happily playing with the still-conscious bird in front of him. 

"Hey, hey!" Kuroo stopped you, putting a small paw up, "Kenma just slid in and you said nothing to him!" You whipped around immediately, ready to scold Kenma as well.

But once you saw him rolling around on the floor and meowing at the tiny bird in front of him your heart melted. Your hands clutched your chest, while Kuroo furiously shook his paw at you from behind.

"He doesn't have rabies, (y/n)." Kenma explains to you calmly, "they're actually shapeshifters like us." your eyes drifted towards the orange bird in front of him, the tiny baby chirping at you cheerily. 

“Hinata!” The tiny bird chirped out, “My name’s Hinata!” Hinata scuffled over towards Kuroo and the unfortunate blue bird laying ~~(dead?)~~ on the floor. “And this here is Kageyama! Although he’s a bit mean to me...kinda hope he doesn’t wake up.”

“WHAT THE HELL DID YOU SAY YOU DUMBASS?!” Kageyama ~~screeches~~ yells at Hinata, the orange bird quickly fluttering behind Kenma as he squawks back at Kageyama from a distance.

“Guess he isn’t dead after all.” Kuroo snorts from behind you, quieting down as you shoot him a glare. Kenma then pipes up,

“Uh, y/n...if it’s not too much of a hassle, could you take them in too? They don’t really have anywhere to go either…” He asks you softly.

You and Kuroo practically have the ‘🥺’ face as you watch Kenma shyly ask for your permission. You nod quickly and take both of the bird in your hands and coo at them,

“I couldn’t say no-!” ~~(*cue shocked and angry squawking*)~~ You drop them at suddenly realization that they hadn’t been washed. Everyone except for Kenma looking at you shocked,

“I m-meant! Of course I couldn’t say no after we wash you guys!” You said nervously as Kuroo shook his head.

* * *

_ “y/n” Bokuto whispers to you quietly as he sits perched on the edge of the bathtub, watching you give ~~(a grumpy and reluctant)~~ Kageyama a bath, “why did you not insist on washing us? We’re birds too!” You flinched at his question, _

_ “You see Bo,” You whisper back to him, “Neither one of you were dead inside of Kuroo’s mouth when I first met you. It’s kinda hard to trust Kuroo and Kenma’s cleanliness after seeing that trash pile of theirs…” You hear a loud gasp from behind you both, _

_ “Y/N!!” Kuroo exclaims, “I can’t believe you!” He says mockingly and dramatically as he places a paw over his chest. He looks over at Kenma, who is seated beside him, eyes closed. _

_ “Kenma! Are you not hurt!?” _

_ “No not really,” He says unbothered, “Can’t blame her after all--it did look like one hell of a dump.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for all your love and support! i love you all!


End file.
